Trinity ties

Four friend groups across four decades cherish their relationships

By Mary Howard

Keeping up with college friends can be difficult. Despite best intentions, life gets in the way. Careers and families take center stage, and friends are no longer down the hall but dispersed throughout the country or world.

In honor of the Bicentennial, the Reporter connected with four groups of Trinity College alumni who have kept their cherished friendships going, some for almost 60 years. While their stories are unique, they all share the bonding experience of four years ’neath the elms. As Ed Troiano ’90 says, “Trinity is at the center of our lasting memories and bonds.”

Classes of 1967–69

“It can be difficult for guys to be vulnerable with each other,” says retired lawyer Rob Boas ’67. But he and his college friends—Len Goldstein ’67, Peter Kaufman ’68, Miles King ’69, and Scott King ’69—have been sharing their joys and sorrows for 58 years.

The group lived in a corner room in South Campus from 1965 to 1967. “We really got along,” says Boas. They studied, went to parties, and played cards together. But what made their friendship so special, says Boas, is how willing they were to share their feelings with each other. “There were no façades or masks. We completely let down our guards, and that closeness has kept us together.”

After graduation, there were marriages, children, careers, and disappointments, but they kept in touch, albeit mostly through holiday cards and at one another’s weddings. “Being from three different classes, we’re not all going to be seeing each other at [Trinity] Reunions,” says Boas.

In the early-1990s while visiting with Boas, Kaufman, a political theorist and professor, suggested they plan a group reunion. Though he shared his idea with the rest of the group through letters, “it didn’t go anywhere.”

However, in 1996, Goldstein rediscovered the letter from Kaufman and invited the men to his house on Cape Cod for a long weekend. They all made it, except for Kaufman, who was grounded in North Carolina by a hurricane.

The following year, they again gathered at Goldstein’s home—this time with all five in attendance. “The years just melted away,” says Boas. “It was like we had just seen each other a few weeks ago.” They reminisced about Trinity and discussed relationships, finances, children, and careers and left promising to keep their friendship going. “And damned if we didn’t,” says Boas.

From 1996 to 2019, the group met every year. Though they took a few years off during the pandemic, they gathered again at Goldstein’s in summer 2023.

Over the years, they have toured the University of North Carolina campus (where Kaufman worked at the time), golfed in Georgia, and watched the Jay Leno show live in California. “But nothing beats sitting in Len’s backyard, all five of us, just talking for hours,” says Kaufman. “It’s our sacred time.”

Their recent conversations now include the topic of aging, but, as always, they are supporting one another, says Kaufman. “Age poses a variety of challenges, but we are facing them together.”

Class of 1979

For almost 45 years, Holly Singer and several of her 1979 classmates—Lynne Bagdis Wilson, Lynne Bachofner, Sarah Wright Neal, Jane Terry Abraham, Deborah Cushman, and Nathalie Reverdin—have enjoyed a relationship that continues to nurture and sustain them.

Five of these seven women met the first week of their freshman year. “Trinity was our launch pad and has provided the framework to our long-lasting friendship,” says Singer, the class president.

After graduation, busy with careers and young families, the women would sometimes meet in smaller groups—six live in or near New England, one lives in Switzerland—or at their Trinity Reunions. But their first significant gathering was in honor of their 40th birthdays, when they enjoyed a weekend at Wilson’s lakeside home in Rhode Island. Since then, most have gathered together at least once a year, including during the pandemic, when they stayed in touch through Zoom and outdoor meetups.

They haven’t missed an opportunity to celebrate other major birthdays. In honor of their 50th, the entire group vacationed together in Montréal. Their 60th featured a memorable glass-blowing experience in Rhode Island. Later that year, Singer, Abraham, Wilson, and Bachofner spent a week in the Azores, where they hiked, soaked in thermal baths, and enjoyed local cuisine. Last September, they celebrated turning 65 in New York’s Hudson Valley “with perfect fall weather,” says Singer.

Though they have taken different paths since college—from owning a marketing firm to working in education to writing about health care—they share a love of hiking and cooking and try to make time for both when they meet.

They particularly enjoy preparing meals together, says Cushman, a longtime vegetarian. She is grateful that her friends always include a dish for her and another plant-based eater. “It’s only two of us, but the group makes accommodations.” At their last gathering, the women raved about Neal’s red lentil curry and a lemon-parmesan pasta made by Wilson and Bachofner.

The delicious food aside, what keeps the group together is a shared history, “a sense of something special, held for many years,” says Cushman.

Looking toward a celebration of their 70th birthdays, Cushman sees an even greater need for one another in the future. “Who knows what will be happening or what challenges will be put on the group?” she says.

Singer notes, “Our long-lasting friendships transcend life’s uncertainties, enabling us to reconnect, share our updates, and enjoy reaching out to one another anytime.”

Class of 1990

It’s apparent from their banter that Ed Troiano ’90 and Neil Walsh ’90 have known each other a long time. “He likes to talk over me,” says Walsh of his friend.

“That’s because you never have anything interesting to say,” quips Troiano.

The two met within their first two days at Trinity, and along with 1990 classmates Ray Hannan, Jeff Proulx, Paul Diaz, and Jim Murphy, became the best of friends, though they all had different interests and backgrounds.

“Some of us were into music, others into sports. Jeff usually talked himself into trouble, while the rest of us talked him out of it,” says Walsh. “It was our shared experiences at college that really brought us together.”

While the pals ate meals, went to parties, and roomed together, the anchor for their long friendship is their annual Super Bowl get-together. The tradition began in Troiano’s room in Jackson Hall when they were freshmen. In addition to talking and texting regularly and to organizing other gatherings—including summer fishing outings in New England—they continue to find a way to meet to watch the Super Bowl on TV. Even during COVID-19, they pulled together a hybrid version, with some members meeting in Murphy’s driveway and others attending via Zoom.

“We just fell into this brilliant event. Everyone needs to find something like this. It’s too easy to get caught up in your own world after graduation,” says Walsh.

They plan a long weekend around it and, over the years, have gathered in 14 states. Once they rented a 65-foot houseboat on Lake Mead in Nevada. “We would beach it at night and explore during the day,” says Walsh.

Another time, they reserved a cabin in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and enjoyed snowmobiling and skiing in addition to the game. Troiano says, “That was my favorite. We had no external distractions and shared so many stories.”

In 35 years, not one of the members has missed a get-together. Their challenges included navigating the births of their collective 14 children. Troiano’s work commitments almost got in the way one year. “I had to be at work on Monday at 6:00 a.m. It took me three flights and seven hours, and I had to leave at halftime—but I made it.” The fact that he left before the game concluded earned him some serious ribbing from his friends, however.

“Who leaves a Super Bowl game at halftime?” asks Walsh.

Humor is an important part of this group. “We’ve had a lot of fun over the years,” says Troiano—like the time in 1996 when they rented a U-Haul to take their dates and wife (Diaz married Ana Carvajal ’90 in April 1994) barhopping in Washington, D.C.

“Cabs would have cost a fortune, but the U-Haul was $30, and the look on peoples’ faces as we climbed out the back was priceless!” says Walsh.

They also take their friendship seriously. “This is the most loyal group I have. They’ve got my back,” says Walsh.

“And we’ll keep it going to the bitter end, God willing,” adds Troiano.

Class of 1997

The chances of Shaakirrah Sanders, Tanya Jones, Alice “Ali” McCartney Auth, and Ashley Hammarth meeting were slim. The women—all members of the Class of 1997—came from different cities, cultures, and backgrounds. But at Trinity, they found one another and created a sisterhood that has served as their safe space for almost 30 years.

Jones, Auth, and Hammarth met in their freshman seminar, “Music as Protest,” and Auth met Sanders when they took a class together during their sophomore year. It wasn’t long before all four women were hanging out, going to campus parties and concerts together. “The small size of Trinity means you can find your people,” says Jones.

After graduation, Jones, Auth, and Hammarth headed to New York City, while Sanders attended law school in New Orleans. But the distance didn’t keep them apart. “We are all great communicators,” says Jones, who runs her own media company, Mama Bear Media Group. “We like to talk a lot.”

When Sanders was earning her J.D., Hammarth, Jones, and Auth visited and even sat in on her classes. When she was considering a position as an associate dean at an East Coast law school in 2023, McCartney and Hammarth went to check out the campus. “I wanted to know if they could see me there,” says Sanders, who accepted the position.

Though they have all pursued different careers—Auth is a licensed clinical social worker and Hammarth works in health care management—they share a passion for social equality, which began during their Trinity days. “We advocate for causes and people today like we did at Trinity, in the classroom and in [campus] clubs,” says Jones, who serves on the board of the Harlem Hebrew Language Academy Charter School. Sanders is on the Idaho and national boards for the American Civil Liberties Union.

“We lean on each other for support with parenting, career shifts, relationships, loss, but also personal growth,” says Jones, who is the mother of a son with learning challenges. She credits Auth with helping her learn to advocate for her son in the public-school system.

The women speak often on the phone and through text, and the three New Yorkers see one another regularly. When Sanders was a visiting professor at a local law school in 2022, the four friends gathered every few months. Even now, the group manages the occasional dinner or drinks when Sanders is traveling through New York. “We lift each other up,” says Jones.

They also return to campus for Reunion and Homecoming. “Not every college throws such amazing reunions. Every five years, we get to relive our college experience and stay in dorms again,” says Sanders.

“At the end of the day, we grew up together,” says Jones. “We continue to help each other evolve—to be fierce women and good friends to each other.”

Top: ; bottom: Jeff Proulx, Ray Hannan, Ed Troiano, Paul Diaz, Neil Walsh, and Jamie Murphy more recently