{"id":759,"date":"2023-09-28T15:15:52","date_gmt":"2023-09-28T19:15:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.trincoll.edu\/reporter\/?page_id=759"},"modified":"2023-09-28T15:15:52","modified_gmt":"2023-09-28T19:15:52","slug":"trinity-ties","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.trincoll.edu\/reporter\/fall-2023\/features\/trinity-ties\/","title":{"rendered":"Trinity ties"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Mary Howard<\/em><\/p>\n

Keeping up with college friends can be difficult. Despite best intentions, life gets in the way. Careers and families take center stage, and friends are no longer down the hall but dispersed throughout the country or world.<\/p>\n

In honor of the Bicentennial, the Reporter<\/em> connected with four groups of Trinity College alumni who have kept their cherished friendships going, some for almost 60 years. While their stories are unique, they all share the bonding experience of four years \u2019neath the elms. As Ed Troiano \u201990 says, \u201cTrinity is at the center of our lasting memories and bonds.\u201d<\/p>\n

Classes of 1967\u201369<\/h4>\n

\u201cIt can be difficult for guys to be vulnerable with each other,\u201d says retired lawyer Rob Boas <\/strong>\u201967. But he and his college friends\u2014Len Goldstein <\/strong>\u201967, Peter Kaufman <\/strong>\u201968, Miles King <\/strong>\u201969, and Scott King <\/strong>\u201969\u2014have been sharing their joys and sorrows for 58 years.<\/p>\n

\"Miles
Miles King \u201969, Peter Kaufman \u201968, Rob Boas \u201967, Len Goldstein \u201967, and Scott King \u201969 during spring break in Bermuda in the late \u201960s<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The group lived in a corner room in South Campus from 1965 to 1967. \u201cWe really got along,\u201d says Boas. They studied, went to parties, and played cards together. But what made their friendship so special, says Boas, is how willing they were to share their feelings with each other. \u201cThere were no fa\u00e7ades or masks. We completely let down our guards, and that closeness has kept us together.\u201d<\/p>\n

After graduation, there were marriages, children, careers, and disappointments, but they kept in touch, albeit mostly through holiday cards and at one another\u2019s weddings. \u201cBeing from three different classes, we\u2019re not all going to be seeing each other at [Trinity] Reunions,\u201d says Boas.<\/p>\n

In the early-1990s while visiting with Boas, Kaufman, a political theorist and professor, suggested they plan a group reunion. Though he shared his idea with the rest of the group through letters, \u201cit didn\u2019t go anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

However, in 1996, Goldstein rediscovered the letter from Kaufman and invited the men to his house on Cape Cod for a long weekend. They all made it, except for Kaufman, who was grounded in North Carolina by a hurricane.<\/p>\n

The following year, they again gathered at Goldstein\u2019s home\u2014this time with all five in attendance. \u201cThe years just melted away,\u201d says Boas. \u201cIt was like we had just seen each other a few weeks ago.\u201d They reminisced about Trinity and discussed relationships, finances, children, and careers and left promising to keep their friendship going. \u201cAnd damned if we didn\u2019t,\u201d says Boas.<\/p>\n

\"Boas,
Boas, Goldstein, M. King, Kaufman, and S. King\u2014in 2015<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

From 1996 to 2019, the group met every year. Though they took a few years off during the pandemic, they gathered again at Goldstein\u2019s in summer 2023.<\/p>\n

Over the years, they have toured the University of North Carolina campus (where Kaufman worked at the time), golfed in Georgia, and watched the Jay Leno show live in California. \u201cBut nothing beats sitting in Len\u2019s backyard, all five of us, just talking for hours,\u201d says Kaufman. \u201cIt\u2019s our sacred time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Their recent conversations now include the topic of aging, but, as always, they are supporting one another, says Kaufman. \u201cAge poses a variety of challenges, but we are facing them together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Class of 1979<\/h4>\n
\"Jane
Jane Terry Abraham \u201979 and Nathalie Reverdin \u201979 during their Trinity days<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

For almost 45 years, Holly Singer<\/strong> and several of her 1979 classmates\u2014Lynne Bagdis Wilson<\/strong>, Lynne Bachofner<\/strong>, Sarah Wright Neal<\/strong>, Jane Terry Abraham<\/strong>, Deborah Cushman<\/strong>, and Nathalie Reverdin<\/strong>\u2014have enjoyed a relationship that continues to nurture and sustain them.<\/p>\n

Five of these seven women met the first week of their freshman year. \u201cTrinity was our launch pad and has provided the framework to our long-lasting friendship,\u201d says Singer, the class president.<\/p>\n

After graduation, busy with careers and young families, the women would sometimes meet in smaller groups\u2014six live in or near New England, one lives in Switzerland\u2014or at their Trinity Reunions. But their first significant gathering was in honor of their 40th birthdays, when they enjoyed a weekend at Wilson\u2019s lakeside home in Rhode Island. Since then, most have gathered together at least once a year, including during the pandemic, when they stayed in touch through Zoom and outdoor meetups.<\/p>\n

They haven\u2019t missed an opportunity to celebrate other major birthdays. In honor of their 50th, the entire group vacationed together in Montr\u00e9al. Their 60th featured a memorable glass-blowing experience in Rhode Island. Later that year, Singer, Abraham, Wilson, and Bachofner spent a week in the Azores, where they hiked, soaked in thermal baths, and enjoyed local cuisine. Last September, they celebrated turning 65 in New York\u2019s Hudson Valley \u201cwith perfect fall weather,\u201d says Singer.<\/p>\n

\"1979
1979 classmates Lynne Bachofner, Jane Terry Abraham, Lynne Bagdis Wilson, Deborah Cushman, Holly Singer, and Sarah Wright Neal more recently<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Though they have taken different paths since college\u2014from owning a marketing firm to working in education to writing about health care\u2014they share a love of hiking and cooking and try to make time for both when they meet.<\/p>\n

They particularly enjoy preparing meals together, says Cushman, a longtime vegetarian. She is grateful that her friends always include a dish for her and another plant-based eater. \u201cIt\u2019s only two of us, but the group makes accommodations.\u201d At their last gathering, the women raved about Neal\u2019s red lentil curry and a lemon-parmesan pasta made by Wilson and Bachofner.<\/p>\n

The delicious food aside, what keeps the group together is a shared history, \u201ca sense of something special, held for many years,\u201d says Cushman.<\/p>\n

Looking toward a celebration of their 70th birthdays, Cushman sees an even greater need for one another in the future. \u201cWho knows what will be happening or what challenges will be put on the group?\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Singer notes, \u201cOur long-lasting friendships transcend life\u2019s uncertainties, enabling us to reconnect, share our updates, and enjoy reaching out to one another anytime.\u201d<\/p>\n

Class of 1990<\/h4>\n

It\u2019s apparent from their banter that Ed Troiano<\/strong> \u201990 and Neil Walsh<\/strong> \u201990 have known each other a long time. \u201cHe likes to talk over me,\u201d says Walsh of his friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s because you never have anything interesting to say,\u201d quips Troiano.<\/p>\n

The two met within their first two days at Trinity, and along with 1990 classmates Ray Hannan<\/strong>, Jeff Proulx<\/strong>, Paul Diaz<\/strong>, and Jim Murphy<\/strong>, became the best of friends, though they all had different interests and backgrounds.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome of us were into music, others into sports. Jeff usually talked himself into trouble, while the rest of us talked him out of it,\u201d says Walsh. \u201cIt was our shared experiences at college that really brought us together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"1990
1990 classmates Ray Hannan, Jamie Murphy, Jeff Proulx, Paul Diaz, and Ed Troiano as Trinity students<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

While the pals ate meals, went to parties, and roomed together, the anchor for their long friendship is their annual Super Bowl get-together. The tradition began in Troiano\u2019s room in Jackson Hall when they were freshmen. In addition to talking and texting regularly and to organizing other gatherings\u2014including summer fishing outings in New England\u2014they continue to find a way to meet to watch the Super Bowl on TV. Even during COVID-19, they pulled together a hybrid version, with some members meeting in Murphy\u2019s driveway and others attending via Zoom.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe just fell into this brilliant event. Everyone needs to find something like this. It\u2019s too easy to get caught up in your own world after graduation,\u201d says Walsh.<\/p>\n

They plan a long weekend around it and, over the years, have gathered in 14 states. Once they rented a 65-foot houseboat on Lake Mead in Nevada. \u201cWe would beach it at night and explore during the day,\u201d says Walsh.<\/p>\n

Another time, they reserved a cabin in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and enjoyed snowmobiling and skiing in addition to the game. Troiano says, \u201cThat was my favorite. We had no external distractions and shared so many stories.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Jeff
Jeff Proulx, Ray Hannan, Ed Troiano, Paul Diaz, Neil Walsh, and Jamie Murphy more recently<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In 35 years, not one of the members has missed a get-together. Their challenges included navigating the births of their collective 14 children. Troiano\u2019s work commitments almost got in the way one year. \u201cI had to be at work on Monday at 6:00 a.m. It took me three flights and seven hours, and I had to leave at halftime\u2014but I made it.\u201d The fact that he left before the game concluded earned him some serious ribbing from his friends, however.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho leaves a Super Bowl game at halftime?\u201d asks Walsh.<\/p>\n

Humor is an important part of this group. \u201cWe\u2019ve had a lot of fun over the years,\u201d says Troiano\u2014like the time in 1996 when they rented a U-Haul to take their dates and wife (Diaz married Ana Carvajal \u201990 in April 1994) barhopping in Washington, D.C.<\/p>\n

\u201cCabs would have cost a fortune, but the U-Haul was $30, and the look on peoples\u2019 faces as we climbed out the back was priceless!\u201d says Walsh.<\/p>\n

They also take their friendship seriously. \u201cThis is the most loyal group I have. They\u2019ve got my back,\u201d says Walsh.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd we\u2019ll keep it going to the bitter end, God willing,\u201d adds Troiano.<\/p>\n

Class of 1997<\/h4>\n

The chances of Shaakirrah Sanders, Tanya Jones, Alice \u201cAli\u201d McCartney Auth, and Ashley Hammarth meeting were slim. The women\u2014all members of the Class of 1997\u2014came from different cities, cultures, and backgrounds. But at Trinity, they found one another and created a sisterhood that has served as their safe space for almost 30 years.<\/p>\n

\"1997
1997 classmates Shaakirrah Sanders, Tanya Jones, and Alice \u201cAli\u201d McCartney Auth as Trinity students<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jones, Auth, and Hammarth met in their freshman seminar, \u201cMusic as Protest,\u201d and Auth met Sanders when they took a class together during their sophomore year. It wasn\u2019t long before all four women were hanging out, going to campus parties and concerts together. \u201cThe small size of Trinity means you can find your people,\u201d says Jones.<\/p>\n

After graduation, Jones, Auth, and Hammarth headed to New York City, while Sanders attended law school in New Orleans. But the distance didn\u2019t keep them apart. \u201cWe are all great communicators,\u201d says Jones, who runs her own media company, Mama Bear Media Group. \u201cWe like to talk a lot<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Sanders was earning her J.D., Hammarth, Jones, and Auth visited and even sat in on her classes. When she was considering a position as an associate dean at an East Coast law school in 2023, McCartney and Hammarth went to check out the campus. \u201cI wanted to know if they could see me there,\u201d says Sanders, who accepted the position.<\/p>\n

Though they have all pursued different careers\u2014Auth is a licensed clinical social worker and Hammarth works in health care management\u2014they share a passion for social equality, which began during their Trinity days. \u201cWe advocate for causes and people today like we did at Trinity, in the classroom and in [campus] clubs,\u201d says Jones, who serves on the board of the Harlem Hebrew Language Academy Charter School. Sanders is on the Idaho and national boards for the American Civil Liberties Union.<\/p>\n

\"Ashley
Ashley Hammarth, Alice \u201cAli\u201d McCartney Auth, Tanya Jones, and Shaakirrah Sanders<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cWe lean on each other for support with parenting, career shifts, relationships, loss, but also personal growth,\u201d says Jones, who is the mother of a son with learning challenges. She credits Auth with helping her learn to advocate for her son in the public-school system.<\/p>\n

The women speak often on the phone and through text, and the three New Yorkers see one another regularly. When Sanders was a visiting professor at a local law school in 2022, the four friends gathered every few months. Even now, the group manages the occasional dinner or drinks when Sanders is traveling through New York. \u201cWe lift each other up,\u201d says Jones.<\/p>\n

They also return to campus for Reunion and Homecoming. \u201cNot every college throws such amazing reunions. Every five years, we get to relive our college experience and stay in dorms again,\u201d says Sanders.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt the end of the day, we grew up together,\u201d says Jones. \u201cWe continue to help each other evolve\u2014to be fierce women and good friends to each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Top: ; bottom: Jeff Proulx, Ray Hannan, Ed Troiano, Paul Diaz, Neil Walsh, and Jamie Murphy more recently<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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