Thanksgiving is a time of sharing and celebrating the many gifts we have recieved; we know that we have appreciated all the kind letters and gifts which our dedicated readers have so lovingly sent us (President Dobelle's gifts have been especially nice. Does anyone need any courtside seats to the next Knicks game?). As with all things in life, Thanksgiving creates it's own opportunities for endeavors in athletics. We have come up with a list of our favorite Thanksgiving Day sports, and we're not talking about sitting on the couch and watching games, we're talking about being involved and gettin' dirty.
10. Challenge family members to come up with ways to explain how Dick Vitale is still
employed. Most annoying man in the world...DICK VITALE!
9. You versus your 88-year old grandmother in an intense battle of "Gravy Wrestling".
All you need is a real old person, a kiddie pool full of gravy and a good right jab.
8. The classic Thanksgiving Day touch football game. This is always a blast, until older
relatives don't know when to quit. When your fifty year-old father is laying out for
passes, things have gone too far.
7. Butternut Squash juggling. Pretend you're a clown in a circus, and just go with it.
6. Cranberry sauce dodge ball. You've only got one shot; use it wisely.
5. Guess Aunt Edna's weight. It' s not really a sport, but when you get the whole family
laughing and pointing at her, damn, that's an adrenaline rush.
4. Family Sing-A-Long Sneakaway. Those that are best at this event are able to sneak
out the door while their family is singing any Thanksgiving song. Just don't ask us to
name a Thanksgiving song. Are there any? I mean, Thanksgiving Carols just don't exist.
What did you just call me?
3. O.K., grandpa's been sittin' pretty the whole Thanksgiving Day while grandma just
went upstairs to cry, waiting for someone to console her (I'm busy). So, get
some paper and a pen and count how many times grandpa gets up to go to the bathroom.
Then, put the sheet of paper up in the living room for the rest of the family to see. Ha.
2. Turkey shot put. It's the shot-put, but with a turkey. Watch out for flying stuffing!
1. Family Vomitting Contest. See who can projectile vomit the farthest. Give bonus
points to contestants who can knock over a can with an undigested drumstick!
