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God bless America Online. If it were not for the great men at AOL, we wouldn't have Instant Messager. Because of America Online, millions of college students across the nation spend way too much time at their computers. Now, for those Trinity students out there who don't know what AOL Instant Messenger is, what the heck is wrong with you? What, do you live in a cave? A box maybe? Stop reading, now. You are no longer allowed to read this paper.
Ok, so maybe that was a tad bit harsh. I'm sorry. AOL Instant Messenger is this program where I write something on my computer and it shows up on my friend's computer. Then, my friend writes something on his computer and it shows up on mine. It's as if we are talking on the phone, but it's free. Those who have "IMer" know that having it keeps you at your computer for hours at a time. I think in the future there will actually be Senate hearings where we will find out that America Online executives knew all along through lab testing that the Instant Messenger is, in fact, addictive. But, by now I'm way off topic.
The point is that I use my computer to talk to my friends who go to other colleges and while talking to a friend of mine the other day, I made a startling discovery: Not all colleges have giant cranes randomly digging up areas of the campus. Now, maybe my naiveté was caused by the fact that I'm only a lowly freshman. I assumed that giant cranes and huge mud/gravel puddles were the staples of modern liberal-arts education. Apparently, I was wrong. Now, I've developed a theory of why it is that our campus is the only one that is covered with these obstacles. I think that there is a campus-wide conspiracy to keep the quality of life of Trinity students down. My first suspicions came when our school's parties started to mysteriously disappear. Now, these suspicions are confirmed. There is a top-secret organization that is conspiring against us.
How did they get here? Why are they here? How do we defeat them? Like most top-secret organizations, it is cloaked in secrecy. In the past, they have been suspected for going to every Party Barn party, stealing the beer, and replacing it with soda and pizza. True to X-Files fashion , though, the evidence was destroyed and nothing could be proven. I think I have stumbled upon their newest plan.
They are going to build random buildings all over Trinity College campus. Think about it. Is there anything more random than the new "admissions building?" When you were deciding which schools to apply to, did it you ever think, "This school might have the best classrooms, but the admissions building at the other school is really nice?" As long as there is any grass left on campus this top secret organization will find reasons for more construction.
So, as Trinity students, it is our duty to stop them. We must assure that our school is a fun place for the future generations of Bantams. Each one of you should take it upon yourself to make the school a fun place to be. If you need me, I'll be at my computer.
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