Out Of My Way Coffee-Boy

COFFEE. My first thought in the morning. The only thought that gets me out of bed. I am an addict. Most every morning I stumble down to the Cave to get my daily fix. I go right to the lovely large decanters, percolating faithfully everyday. I glance at the flavored selection. If it is Kona, I'm all over it. I suggest avoiding the Chocolate Raspberry, very weird coffee breath after that flavor.

I like milk in my coffee, sometimes skim, sometimes whole and sometimes I really mean business and drink it black. Definitely no cream though, it makes the coffee way too thick, which is not a good thing in coffee if you ask me. Cream also produces especially weird breath in my opinion (OK, I have a coffee breath obsession). So after quickly and efficiently making my coffee selection and filling my cup I move over to the milk/cup cover section.

Now, if you go too late in the morning you will encounter the coffee station hogs. I stood patiently waiting behind two men the other morning who were preparing their coffees. Both had accumulated a pile of used sweet and low wrappers (nasty stuff, nasty breath) and were grabbing for more as they stirred a funnel into their overflowing coffees. "What is this, a science project?" I wondered. I almost said it out loud, but I was coffeeless at this point and I would not have been able to carry the comic effect well enough to get away with it.

At this point, an anxious line of coffee drinkers clutching their elixirs waited while these two men, in almost perfect synchronicity sugared, stirred and splashed their coffee all over the counter. Finally, they were done. After a few tentative sips to see if they had achieved the proper mind-numbing, cancer-causing sweetness, they stepped aside with an annoyed glance at me!; well, maybe I was crowding them at this point.

Despite the fact there is a little garbage can on the counter next to the coffee station, these men left their sugar wrappers and stirrers in the puddle of pale brown coffee that had been forced from their cups, tornado fashion. Apparently reaching 6 inches to throw out their trash was too much of a stretch. Apparently thinking ahead and leaving some room for all the extra stuff they needed in their coffee to make it palatable (amateurs) was a little too much to expect. I wonder if anyone wonders why the Cave crew puts a garbage can on the counter by the coffee station, a hint, perhaps?

If I run into these guys again, I will suggest they ask for a study unit to at least get some credit for their diligent and intent coffee modifications. It could be a science class with a lab even. "'Physics 130L The Mechanics of Coffee Making: Sweet & Low, Cream and Consistency:' Lab meets in the Cave, M-F 9:30 AM." Or maybe I will just say, "What the Hell is this, a science project!? Get out of my way, amateurs, I need my coffee."