It took me almost two years to figure this out. What exactly does the handsoap on this campus smell like? I knew it was something familiar. I tried to track it down ... "OK, I'm reminded of childhood ... the dentist for some reason ... summers (in Rangoon, luge lessons) ... Hmmmmm" and then it came to me.

As many of you Trinitites may or may not have pieced together, the handsoap in the bathrooms all across this campus smells exactly like fruit punch. There, I said it. Fyew ... I feel like a great weight has been lifted ... actually, I feel like Charton Heston: "Soylent Green is made of people! IT'S PEE-PUUUUUUUUULL!"

But why would the Administration put fruit punch handsoap in our bathrooms? When local Deans were asked about the situation, their responses were almost always the same.

One said "There's a problem with the handsoap? I had no idea. Fruit punch, you say? Well, I haven't heard any complaints about it, save this one ...."

It would appear that the Administration thinks they're doing a fine job with the handsoap on this campus ... that as always they remain unaware of the problem and unwilling to do anything much about it.

Another Dean was quoted as saying "The soap isn't that bad ... I mean, would you rather the school didn't sponsor any soap for the student body? ... that the kids should just stay in and use their own soap? ... Legally, [The School] doesn't feel comfortable with the notion of student-sponsored and controlled soap .... 'Behind closed doors' is not something we're too keen on .... If it's our soap, we know when and where it's being used, and we know there are janitors around every so often making sure it's not being abused by anyone."

But because the soap not only dries the hands of its users, but it stinks of fruit frickin' punch to boot, that's exactly what the Administration is forcing kids to do! Because the public, school-sponsored soap is so lame, some kids go out and get their own soap and just use it in private in their dorms.

One student responded to the dilemma with this comment: "Na, Man. The school's soap [friggin'] sucks on this campus, Dude. The only way you can have fun is if you do it yourself, you know? Have some close friends over and let them use it, you know, but like that's it."

In order to combat this notion, the school is even looking into getting TCAC to sponsor some soap dispensors. "Well, some of us do know that the soap is bad," revealed a source from President Dobelle's office, "but by letting TCAC handle it, since they're more in touch with You the Student, we feel they can make the safe, right decisions with regards to what kind of soap to use, but still make sure the kids are having fun and their hands are getting clean. Some ideas I've heard tossed around, for instance, are soaps from tropical regions, soaps that glow in the dark ...."

But something tells this reporter that this will not solve the problem. The soap may stop smelling like fruit punch, but it's pretty obvious that it'll still stink.

When other students were asked about the soap situation on Campus, some didn't think it was that big a deal.

"Well it's like this," said a young lady, "If you want to go out and meet guys on this campus, you have to wash your hands. That's just the way it is. And using the school's soap is the easiest way to do that."

But what happens is kids use way too much soap, and the next day their hands are all dried out and aching from all that washing, and it didn't matter who's soap it was! That's something the Administration doesn't realize. By having this many kids our age around, all of whom have oily hands, all together in our little Lord of the Flies that is Trinity College, kids are just going to abuse their bodies and, in turn, each other by overusing any soap, school-sponsored or not. Rather than worry about the legalities, they should concentrate on what makes us do this to ourselves and combat that.

So this all begs the question: Why fruit punch? It seems to me that that's just the way things have gotten over time. One day the Administration decided to cut some corners, and it turns out that no one really noticed. The kids still use the soap, so what's the difference? As long as no one really minds "if it ain't broke" ....

Well someone does mind.