The American Presidency

By Theo Haddad Senior Editor

n this particularly uneventful and insipid election year, I found it my responsibility to turn my attention to the office of the American presidency. There are fewer positions in America, more challenging and difficult than that of the American presidency. Unfortunately there are also fewer positions in America that warrant such justified criticism and unrelenting debasement. What I'm talking about is the pathetic state of the American presidency. Lets remove ourselves from the current political election and just consider what it takes to become the next President of the United States in 1996.

To begin with, you've got to be smooth. The pretty smile, the charming look, the ability to talk yourself out of the most precarious political impositions, all are essential qualities regardless of your political agenda. Watching Bill Clinton do this in the recent presidential debates was an example of text book, political impenetrability. The way he talked about himself might make you think he was the Messiah! Politicians need to embody the expression "admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations. "Taking responsibility for anything negative is a form of political suicide. Lying or denying is a far better approach to politics.

Looking good also helps. The 90's is an age that is defined by its preoccupation with images. Few people are concerned with the qualitative substance of what they espouse. From politicians to swim suit models, no one's interested in what is said but rather how they look when they say it. During the Kennedy/Nixon debates in 1960, Nixon was an unshaven, sweaty dishevelled mess. Kennedy of course was the handsome young debonair self he always was. Incidentally, this was the first year that presidential debates were actually broadcast on public television, enabling the public to actually see the two candidates, rather than just listen to them on radio. Those who heard the debates over the radio said Nixon won, while those that watched the debate said Kennedy won. Kennedy ended up winning the election by a slim margin. It just goes to show how being handsome never hurt.

Third, you've got to be able to reinvent yourself according to the ephemeral whims of the public. This means if you've been a pro-choicer all your life, and the American public all of a sudden wants a pro-lifer, you have to be willing to reinvent yourself to appease the masses that vote you in. George Bush did this when he switched sides of the table on the abortion debate, and Bob Dole desperately tried to do it again by having a more pro-choice approach to his political agenda. Bill Clinton was just as guilty of this when he surrendered his endorsement of gays in the military, and even worse, "reformed" the welfare bill. Politicians today are so protean, they remind the observer of silly putty. They'll agree with anything and everything as long as it will secure them popularity in the polls.

Fourth, you've got to be able to get cozy with the power holding structures of the country, also known as "kissing a lot of political ass." How practical is it for any person who comes from a modest economical background to one day become President of the United States without serious financial backing? It simply isn't. That's why the only two citizens (i.e non-politicians) to have run for office in recent years have been billionaires: Ross Perot and Steve Forbes. You simply cannot run for the presidency, no matter how practical or creative your solutions are, without having serious financial backing. Is it any wonder then, why American politics is plagued by the competition of corporations. Tobacco, oil, alcohol, and firearms, to name a few contribute billions of dollars to campaigns every year. Politicians in turn, cannot turn their backs on their constituents. Political favors dominate modern politics, drawing into question this system we call a democracy.

Bill Clinton is the typification of all these vile attributes. But he by no means is the only one to do it. The only reason that Bill Clinton is in office is because he can do it better than anyone else around. He is the man of many faces: so many faces in fact that he can't wait to give one away to you as long as it will secure his re-election. Consider the surfeit of scandals surrounding his presidency: Jennifer Flowers, Whitewater, Filegate, illegal campaign contributions. The list seems to get longer every time we take a look at it. Yet somehow this unctuous fellow has slithered his way into the White house, and is now arguably the most powerful man in the world. How do we allow this? How did it get so far out of control?

America rewards the candidate who never takes responsibility for his own actions, kisses so much political ass that he becomes a puppet of big paying constituents, and reinvents himself on the drop of a hat to suit the aimless desires of an uninformed electorate willing to vote him in. And this is the fruit of our democracy?

Feast on, feast on America. Super-president will come some day.....

Related (Sleeze) Links:
Welcome To The White House, REPUBLICANS WEB CENTRAL Home Page, The Democratic National Committee