The Mysteries of Love

So what is this "thing" that seems to have so much power over almost every person on earth, and that no one can actually understand? Many artists have tried to capture it in all the different realms of art that exist. Writers have attempted to explore its murky depths. From Shakespeare to Stephen King, love is a subject that appears frequently in words. How many of the numerous paintings and sculptures kept in the best museums of the world depict lovers or those pining for the healing powers of love or those suffering from its destructive forces? Music is one of love's favorite mediums. Whether it be about love lost, love found, or just love gone wrong numerous songs tackle the multiple levels of love.

And these multiple levels are just one of the things that make love so confusing. Just think about how many different types of love there really are. The love you feel for your mother isn't the same as the love you feel for your dog even though both are considered members of your family and the love you feel for your dog isn't the same as that you feel for the friend you've known since second grade even though you call both your "best friend". Parents love all their children even though it is rare that the actual relationships between the parent and each individual child will be even remotely the same to the relationship they share with their other children.

Yet this elusive love is what is at the center of our existence and what we are expected by society to base our lives on. We are expected to love our families. Many religions expect you to "love thy neighbor". We are expected to find a companion whom we love and to start a life with that person when as a species we barely understand what we mean by that word. So we turn to those that have supposedly loved before to try and understand better. But having felt its sweet yet dangerous touch could confuse us more.

Many of my friends ask me advice on their relationships because they feel that as someone who has been through it all I will know what to tell them. I have been infatuated numerous times, had my fair share of crushes, been "in love" twice, basically engaged once, done the long term relationship thing, done the long distance relationship thing, and at the moment I am dealing with being single and trying to enjoy it. For someone only in their twentieth year many would say I have experienced many sides of that ever intangible word. All I can say is that I still don't understand it.....at all.

First there is the love that you feel for your family, right? Fine, that is just an innate thing that doesn't depend at all on whether or not you actually like your family. You still don't usually want anything bad to happen to them. Then there is the love you feel for friends. Usually you actually like these people but that isn't even a given. I have friends that, though I love them to death, I can't stand for more than short periods of time. Though this seems rather contradictory I have checked around and it is actually quite common. Then there are the friends that I feel like I couldn't live without and would have no problem if I saw them twenty four hours a day. Most fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, however.

And friendship love leads right up to the most complicated kind of all -- love. I think you all know what I mean. The love that supposedly makes your heart go pitter-patter and then you know that you have found the person that completes your life. The love that consumes you while making you a better person at the same time. And this is the love that can make or break a person the easiest and the fastest.

There are many ways in which this love manifests itself. Sometimes you are just so used to having the person around and the love has snuck up on you so quietly and slowly that you don't even realize that you are in love. Then something happens like the other person leaves and you miss them just a little too much or they say just the right thing at just the right time. And that is when you understand that love may have you in its grasp. This happens between friends often. Suddenly the friendship means more than a friendship to you and the love you once felt for the friend has turned into love. This can be one of the most dangerous types because not only might the person not return your love with their love, which is always a danger, but the dynamics of the friendship will be forever changed. It may not be changed for the worse but it will change.

Then there is the type that just hits you over the head almost immediately after meeting the person. Though some understand what has hit them immediately, it can take others literally months to figure out what exactly it is about that certain someone. They just fascinate you from the beginning and you spend the time getting to know them also getting yourself back together from the initial blow. This can almost be equated to love at first sight except that it is much more complicated than that. Because then you get to actually know this person that you love and even if you seem completely incompatible, the love can still stay.

Now, there are many ways to fall in love between the extremes of being friends for years and love at first sight but they lay out the basic guidelines. So now that you know, possibly after months of deliberation to arrive at this decision, that you are in love with someone, where does that leave you? In many cases, no where good. First there is the question of whether to say anything about it. Then there is the question of how to say something about it. Lastly there is the biggest question of all, will it mean anything at all to the other person?

Though I am an advocate of always being honest and up front 99% of the time, there are some times when keeping your mouth shut is just the better choice. Usually love has something to do with the times when you should keep your mouth shut. For instance if you love your best friend and are absolutely sure they do not feel the same way towards you then revealing your feelings may not be the best move. Shutting up may be harder than you think it is going to be though because, if you are anything like me, you are going to run into numerous occasions when you will want to let that other person know just how special they are to you. Though the decision to keep your feelings to yourself doesn't always feel right, sometimes it makes a lot more sense logically. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

But let's say that you decide to tell the person. First you have to build up the guts and then you need the time. The guts thing can be difficult because if it really is love the response is going to feel like life itself hangs in the balance. As for how, the decision can be one to pore over for days or just do a spur of the moment thing. Then there is dealing with the results. I know someone who told his girlfriend he loved her and she started laughing. Don't be too appalled. They ended up going on to have a long, happy relationship though they aren't still together. That particular girl was just so shocked she didn't know what to do so she laughed. It is just that there is no way to tell how the person is going to react.

If the reaction is positive and they love you too then you get into the most complicated part of all; trying to make it work. Since no one understands love or why it happens or why you fall in love with the person you do it is impossible to have it work without problems. There will be arguments, disagreements, temptations, separations, and all the other shit that happens in life. The only things that are constant is that it is hard work and that when there are moments of peace, it is all worth it.