The Death of Romance

Now, I know I can't really compare too many other decades with the present one because I've only been around for two , the first one and a half spent in vain adolescence. So, what I'm going to try to argue here is that dating in the '90s isn't at all what I envisioned myself to be doing back when I was a dreamy eyed girl-child. Realism and technology sort of make it hard for the romance to come out in the '90s...

Let me start by giving you an example. Gestures are one of the most important ways to build romance. Between two people starting a relationship, what better way to express their care and attention than a pleasant gesture here and there? A classic one for a date: opening the car door for the non-driver by going to the other door before heading to the driver side. It's simple enough and it's special. That extra, what five seconds?, can make your date feel quite special. Sounds like a good deal to me, but then again, I must say one thing. Power locks. If you have power locks on your car, why should you take the time to walk around, open the door, it could be cold outside, etc, etc, right? Well, let me tell you why. It's for the sake of romance

But wait, is it romance that's dead or is it chivalry? This gets tricky. You might say that it's chivalry that's dead - opening car doors and leading a girl through a crowd by holding on her hand. Are these gestures of romance or are they expressions of chivalry? I agree the distinction is a fine line, so fine that I might even agree that chivalry is in fact dead. Dead as well, that is. Chivalry makes it easier to romance, especially if you're a girl dealing with men. It's the code of honor that makes a man treat women with a special mark of respect through simple gestures.

As I mentioned earlier, romance is all about gestures and a little more. And yes, gestures may take a little more effort than what you can fit into with the busy schedules we all have. But the mentality we need to keep romance alive is to be less ...results oriented. What makes all the difference in the world in romancing is the spirit of giving and the spirit of receiving. Give what you can and receive all that they want to give you. Don't worry about the results, don't even think of the results. Stop thinking, stop calculating. Start romancing.

The number one killer for romance is the whole 'upper-hand' concept that's just too prominent in the dating scene. How many times have I heard people say, "Oh, but I don't want to lose the upper-hand; I can't love more than I'm loved," or the same sort of crap. Calculations like that can only kill romance and make you have less fun. If I remember correctly, the purpose of relationships, especially at our age (the pre-martial commitment step), is to have some fun and to enjoy the companionship of another person. So, why don't we enjoy it to the fullest? Oh, the fear of giving too much. What a killer to romance.

My friends and I were having a nice little discussion about the diminishing of romance only a couple nights ago. Somewhere along the line, results, especially what happens at the end, became more important than the actual process of dating. I know this guy who's ready to jump off the wave of a relationship just as it began so that he's not 'dumped'. There's no heart in a relationship like that and that's bullshit. How is the girl who's dating him supposed to just relax and enjoy his company if he's looking to dash out of the relationship at the smallest hint of a problem?

My analysis of the situation: realism crept in and killed romance. Of course most relationships we have at our age aren't going to last "'til death do us part". Of course we all still look around and find other people attractive. But that's not supposed to be a part of the romance; there's no romance in realism. We all know that and because we deal with so much crap that's too real in all other aspects of our lives, is it so wrong to want to at least pretend that a certain ideal can be found in romance? Maybe I'm just a dreamy girl waiting for a knight in shining armor. But when it comes to romance, I want to live up to my ideals and still give all that I can. I have to calculate what I want to do with my future job prospects, school work, etc., etc., that I really don't want to be so realistic even in my 'recreational' moments. I want to believe in romance.

At the end of our discussion, my friend, Matt, and I decided that we were going to be believers in the prospect of romance no matter what or who tried to discourage us. And I must say it's pretty discouraging when you look around and you find more and more people bagging every little gesture of romance. Technology makes it harder to do things the old-way. Everyone has email, voice mail, cellulars, pagers, power locks, even automatic doors. There's no need for waiting for anyone, opening any sort of door, or any of that. Romeo and Juliet of the 90s, despite what they say in the movies, would probably just set up a secret email line or call each other via cellulars. Yes, more communication, but in that communication, the whole process of waiting for your loved one is dead. There's no more mystery to build. No more places to hide so that your beloved will have to come and find you.