Notes

Roommates and Lovers

By N.Alice Yamada

Chief of Staff

his is my first year living in a dorm without a roommate. For the past seven years of my life, I shared a room with another girl, sometimes even three girls. Roommates are great. They are neither friends nor lovers; there is an unique bond between roommates that words fail to describe. You wake up to their smell, and you go to sleep knowing that someone is there in the room as you rest your body. Roommates are different than friends; they are just roommates.

Now, I was extremely lucky Freshman year when I was roomed with Sally. She respected my space, left my clothes alone, and kept my secrets confidential. She listened to my music, and she never forced any of her habits on to me. There are certain unspoken rules that roommates must understand. Much like happy lovers know not to cheat on each other, happy roommates know what lines to draw. Sally never touched my stuff without permission, and I never ate her food. I never slept on her bed when she was away, and she did not have sex when I was in the room. Some may say it is all simply common courtesy, but the reality is that many people forget to be considerate to their roommates. Roommates become closer to siblings than to lovers, and too often, the unspoken rules are ignored. Problems develop there...

Sally and I had so much fun. We talked for hours about our boyfriends when we were supposed to be studying for Midterms. We shared gossip ("You can take the girl out of the gossip but you can't take the gossip out of the girl!" -Sally) and we bitched and ragged on others. We went to fancy restaurants together, all decked out with out nails painted and lips neatly drawn. We drove around in her Landcruiser for no apparent reason but to be with each other. We were the shit.

I think of my roommate as a median between a friend and a lover. Of course, I was assigned to roommates, but in the end, it was my choice whether I wanted to stay with them or not. With Sally, I chose her as my partner, my side-kick, my roommate. And to be away from her is strange and I feel like I am missing a part of myself. Coming home to a room without Sally is not 'coming home'. Living without a roommate is like living as an old maid without a lover.

The relationship you develop with your roommates will be unique no matter how you feel about them deep inside. Whether you hate them or you love them, they are your roommates. You share an intimate part of your life with them. You can choose to step away and look away from them, but at night, when you twist and turn, you will be facing them unconsciously. You might as well try to bring the best out of the relationship. Speak about the unspoken rules and discuss issues with them. Let them know that you are their roommate and that they have certain things they must keep in mind. Sally and I had our differences, but as we talked through them, things improved; If there is really no way to get along, 'break up'. You are missing out in the experience of a life time by subjecting yourself to an unhealthy relationship. Just like you can say "bye-bye" to your lover, you should be able to say "bye-bye" to your roommate. After all, your most intimate sharing experiences in college are with lovers and with roommates!