UPS Strike Conspiracy

By Chris Hunt

Images Editor

oes anyone out there even remember the UPS strike this summer? Did anyone besides me watch the evening news to see reports on the strike (at least until Seinfeld finally came on)? I absolutely cannot believe that the story I am going to tell you slipped through the media, especially the Internet whisperers. Do you just sit back and wait for the X-Files to spoon feed you your conspiracy theories? Well, not me, I go out and make up my own!

There was a story on the news one night, just a little sideline from the usual droning about the strike and the effect on businesses and everyone, a little sideline about an Aaccident that occurred. You see, a UPS manager, driving a large semi truck full of packages, seemed to have taken it into his mind to take a short drive off a high overpass. Not only did he die and wreck the truck, but he spilled brown parcels all over the highway. Oh, too bad the newscaster said, maybe this will sway UPS to relent a little. Well, I think it really did, I think it scared them silly. All those stodgy old UPS tycoons were tearing out their hair, running around the boardroom like silly monkeys worried that their temp drivers would start dropping like flies. Of course, a huge conglomeration like UPS covered up the story easily, which might explain why not many people saw it. But, they were just a little too slow because I am on to the whole scheme now.

You see, the driver who had the terrible accident was not just some strike-breaker stooge. He was a UPS manager, he had been with the company for years. Part of his job was to train other drivers! He was highly certified, highly trained, and a pro at his job. Not exactly the sort to take a wrong right turn off a bridge, wouldn't you say? It is exactly my point that there is very little chance that a driver like him would have had an accident like that at all, let alone during the strike when the eyes of the nation were watching those brown trucks. No, the timing was perfect.

Isn't it obvious now? His truck was sabotaged! It's the only logical explanation. And who would want to sabotage a UPS truck during that time? The Teamsters! The Teamsters Union saw that UPS was holding out against them, and they felt they had to put a little pressure on the company. What better way than a convenient accident, to show how essential the striking drivers are to the safe delivery of everyone's packages? And who ended up Awinning the strike in the end? The Teamsters, of course. It's a vicious story of greed, ruthlessness and manipulation, and it happens every day in corporate USA.

Of course, there is one little footnote to this sad little tale. The now-suspect Teamsters president, Ron Carey, is no way near ruthless enough to perform such a dirty, underhanded deed as I have just related. No, it had to be someone else, someone working in the shadows, pulling the strings. That someone, the only person who could have so skillfully manipulated the press and the public, is, obviously, Jimmy Hoffa.