Cybersex and the Decline of Self

By Angus Jennings

Contributing Writer

ur world is in a state of change, but the human condition is not. Human nature leads us all to pursue those ends which will fulfill our needs and our desires, as humans. Despite the virtually infinite variety of forms those pursuits may take, they share a common intended destination. In addition to the necessities of life - food, shelter, clothing (qualitatively and quantitatively proportionate based on individual preferences) - there exist specific emotional needs which, if not adequately met, result in a feeling of alienation from society.

Everybody wants somebody to love, and everybody wants somebody to love them. The manifestation of that love may exist as romantic love or intense friendship, but a degree of emotional investment in another human being is a necessary component of an individual who has been successfully incorporated into the human race. I argue that the pursuit of such relationships is the factor which motivates all human action, outside of the pursuit of the aforementioned physical necessities.

The technological advances of the past fifteen years have dramatically altered the potential of an individual to develop personal relationships on a global scale. Through participation in the Internet and the World Wide Web, an individual may initiate contact with or receive contact from any of the millions of other connected individuals in the entire world. Geographic divisions are obsolete in cyberspace, and people are able to meet and interact with one another based on their common interests, rather than their coincidental spatial location.

Internet participation is a universal equalizer, in that it reduces ones identity strictly to the words that one types. Gone is the potential for discrimination or categorization based on gender, race, age, or any outward physical characteristics. One defines his/her identity entirely through language. That consequent anonymity combined with the power to redefine oneself, is the first step toward a potential decline of self on a personal level.

To create oneself through language is to separate oneself from all characteristics of oneself independent of his/her ideas and use of language. This is true whether one is honest with one's internet acquaintances or not. The characteristics of oneself which the internet allows temporary freedom from still exist, whether they are communicated or not. Although the internet provides the potential for a vacation from the truth of one's self, the reality of that self does not change.

The self is the combination of one's experiences, thought processes, ideas, moral values, and dreams with one's physical appearance, actions, and abilities. There is an unfortunate trend among some human beings to attempt to separate from the self, particularly during the pursuit of companionship from other members of the human race.

The separation from self takes place on various levels, depending on the individuals involved and the forum of interaction. To observe the courting rituals at most bars, is to witness a group of individuals who use alcohol as a method of separation from one's inhibitions. The illusory increase in courage which may allow one to, uncharacteristically of oneself, approach another individual is actually that individual's separation from the insecurities which would typically make such interaction impossible.

The potential for separation from oneself in a physical interaction is finite; the separation from oneself allowed through cyberspace communication is infinite. One may successfully assume any identity, including ones' own identity, and participate as such in countless conversations and varied interactions with any of the millions of other individuals connected to the internet. These interactions, which are a liberation from self, do nothing to increase ones' true sense of self.

The pursuit of love and companionship is a function of the human condition. In order to successfully connect with another human being on a personal level, one must first know one's self. To fall in love, an individual must have sufficient knowledge of self to say to another person, in effect, "This is who I am. I love you, I welcome you into my life, and I invite you to love me." To make such a proposal, one must be aware of the foundation of self which has been established through their years of life. One must know, and be comfortable with, one's strengths and weaknesses in order to honestly offer those aspects of self to another person.

An individual's inability to relate successfully to other members of the human race is a reflection of that individual's insufficient knowledge of self. It is not a reflection of any deficiency of self - just an insufficient knowledge of self. The fear of rejection is what makes that acknowledgement of self such a difficult practice. To offer oneself as one truly exists is to face another human being's rejection of that self. To offer one's favorite pickup line is to face another human being's rejection of that pickup line. The latter proposition carries far less risk.

Likewise, the interactions which take place via internet communication, subject ones' words to scrutiny - not ones' outward physical characteristics. One is able to successfully avoid the most genuine test of truth available - eye contact. That eye contact which holds one accountable for one's speech in the physical world is absent from cyberspace. Such an absence necessarily strips internet communication of much of its potential depth on an emotional level. Unfortunately, it may not effect the perceived depth of communication for its millions of participants.

The emotional needs of human beings are simple. To be loved for all that one is and for all that one does, would satisfy most humans. To attain such a union with another human being requires an honesty and a knowledge about oneself. Unfortunately, the state of technological communication today makes the denial of that fact frighteningly simple.