The Lost Socratic Dialogue of Lenny

By David Bright

Staff Writer

hough the great Socrates never left a written record of his thoughts, modern scholars have been able to learn about him through the writings of his disciple, Plato. In a series of dialogues, Plato would depict a scene of Socrates discussing a philosophical or ethical issue with a less educated man, and through a method now known as the Socratic method, he would lead the other person to reach the same conclusion. For a long time, scholars have labored under the misconception that they had read all of Plato's Socratic dialogues, and thus our knowledge of this great man has been limited. Recently, however, a new dialogue was discovered. In it, Socrates goes to a museum with his loyal cabana boy, Lenny. Though the conclusions reached may be less profound, its discovery greatly enhances our knowledge of the father of eastern philosophy.

Scene: Museum of Natural History

Socrates: Lenny, have you seen this exhibit on the blue whale? It's quite interesting.
Lenny: Yes, I have. The blue whale is quite a big fish.
S: Actually, that is not true. It is a common misconception that the blue whale is a fish. In reality they are mammals, like you and me.
L: You are so wise, Socrates. I grew up on a farm, and the only animals I really know anything about are cows.
S: That is an interesting word choice you just made. Female whales are called "cows" as well, and male whales are called bulls. Yet these land mammals which give us milk, beef, and entertainment at the rodeo, have no generic term to describe them without referring to gender.
L:Well, I just call them cows.
S:If you were to call a male whale a cow, he would most assuredly take it as an insult, so why should we presume to call a male land mammal with big horns a cow. Similarly calling a sedentary, docile female that gives us milk a bull would seem ludicrous to one familiar with the more aggressive behavior of the male.
L:Yet one cannot deny that bulls and cows are members of the same species, for I have never mated a bull with a bull, or a cow with a cow, but when a bull is mated with a cow, only bulls and cows are produced, and there are no mixed breeds.
S:You admitted yourself that they are both members of one species, yet why are they to be referred to by two names?
L:Well, I suppose one could use the term "cattle" and thus describe both cows and bulls.
S:Yes, but wouldn't the term cattle apply to a host of other animals as well? An ox could also be called "cattle" yet you would certainly agree that an ox is a different than a bull or a cow. In your attempt to cover both sexes of this land mammal, you have broadened its definition as well.
L:But Socrates, cows are known for giving milk, but wouldn't a female ox give milk as well?
S:Yes, but it is surely milk of a lower quality. You could put a yoke on a bull or a cow, but it could not work as hard as oxen do, and would be much harder to control.
L: So Socrates, you're saying that it is not just a question of function, but a question of quality as well.
S: Yes, so if female whales are cows, and male whales are bulls, the species has both gender specific labels, and a term that covers the whole. With the land mammal that has females called cows and males called bulls, both terms apply to specific sexes, therefore there must be some term that applies to the whole.
L: So, all animals that graze, have females that give milk of high quality and males that perform in the rodeo are... whales?
S:Yes. You're right.