Are you concerned where you're going to live next year?

By Courtney Bragar

Senior Editor

re you concerned about where you'll live next year?" For the past month, I have been hounded all over campus by pesky fliers asking me, "Are you concerned about where you'll live next year?" Yes, damnit, I am!!! As a college senior, my future residential arrangement is of great concern, but why does everyone keep asking me this question? (Of course these fliers were not aimed directly at me, but rather posted by the Housing Committee in reference to our campus housing lottery, but that fact is besides the point). When I visited home a few weeks ago and saw numerous family friends, they all wanted to know about my plans for next year. A lame, "I don't know," was the only answer I could muster. I suddenly felt very inadequate about my future. It is only October, and I honestly don't know where I'm going to live next year. However, my uncertainty appears to be unacceptable to every other member of the human race who seems to think I should know by now.

Rather than fight a society that demands I know where I will live a full eight months from now, I decided to figure out where I will reside. I know that I want to live in New York City so at least I had a starting point. However, at this point, I was faced with a small, er, make than an immense problem. I don't know what, if any, job I will be holding next year. Therefore, my financial situation is remarkably uncertain. I could tell people I hope to be living in a spacious New York City apartment, but then, when I wind up working at Starbucks and living at home, I will surely be embarrassed, not to mention disappointed. No, I thought, there must be a better answer.

Then it hit me! I could tell people that I'm going to live under the 59th Street Bridge in New York City. "Yeah, that's perfect," I thought. Then, no matter where I do live, it will seem much better than the alternative. However, I realized most people probably wouldn't take me seriously when I told them I intended to live under the 59th Street Bridge and would continue to pester me about where I will be living. Therefore, I set out to make this answer as plausible as possible and, in doing so, I have come to realize that living under the bridge really wouldn't be so bad.

In actuality, compared to my current living arrangements (a college dorm room), the 59th Street Bridge might even be an improvement. Think about it. First of all, the living conditions are much more spacious. Right now I'm living in an 8x10 cubical. Under the bridge, I could have at least 20 or 30 square feet to myself. Now I know what you're thinking. At least in my current abode I have four walls and a ceiling. Well, the bridge would be my ceiling, protecting me from the elements, and I could easily construct walls out of cardboard boxes. Further, the cardboard walls under the bridge wouldn't be substantially different from the paper thin walls within which I currently live (I can hear literally every sound my neighbor makes).

Okay, so I've convinced you I could build a room under the bridge, but what about temperature control, you might ask? I could argue that I would have more control over the climate under the bridge than in my dorm room. There is no thermostat. I cannot control the temperature in my room. I am often blasted with heat when it is hot outside and without heat in the cold. Fire regulations prevent me from generating heat by building a bonfire in my room. At least under the bridge, I would be free to build fires in garbage cans and regulate the temperature as I desired.

As you can see, living under the 59th Street Bridge would be just fine. Have I convinced you? Perhaps some people don't believe me, but at least I have filled my societal duty and have plans for the future. I can now look people (and irksome campus fliers) in the eye and boldly answer, "NO," when faced with the question, "Are you concerned about where you'll live next year?"