I got a shiver today when Yahoo was down over 15 points. The shiver wasn't really because I feared for the company, or for the stock market in general. It was because the drop put me out over a thousand dollars in my portfolio. Damn!

For the past week or so I have been spending a lot of time on E*Trade.com, an online stock exchange kind of place, where you can buy and sell to your heart's content. However, even if the stock market should be eaten by freakish marmelots, I still won't lose a red American penny (even though I think the devouring of Wall Street would shake up the financial sector somewhat).

I won't lose any money because I don't have any actually invested. E*Trade has set up a nifty game on their site, which you can play for free. They give you $100,000 in play money, and you can then go out and trade commodities just like mommy and daddy do. My roommates and I are all playing for a case of tasty beverages, loser buys. I getting my ass whooped by technology stocks right now, so I'm getting my wallet ready.

E*Trade's game works 20 minutes behind the real world; that is, you buy and sell at the actual prices from twenty minutes ago, and there is a twenty minute delay whenever you decide to buy and sell. I suppose this enforces some sort of fair play, although I think some nasty Wall Street punks are cheating.

The game is relatively simple, and like simple games, very addictive. I check on my stocks way more than I should, even though there is really not a whole lot riding on this. It's just a pride thing I suppose: you want to be a good investor. That's why I have no pride. So far, I've lost 8,000 imaginary dollars, with more losses expected by the end of the week. Damn Yahoo. Damn damn amazon.com!!

So, who am I, why am I here? Why am I writing this article? Well, I suppose it is to encourage you, the gentle reader, to try out the E*Trade game. You have nothing to lose, unless you make a silly bet with your roommates. My one word of advice: don't let me NEAR your portfolio.