I Don’t Know Why I Was So Lucky
by Michael O’Brien ’76

This story first appeared in the winter 2002 issue of the Loomis-Chaffee School alumni magazine and is reprinted with permission.

It’s all so mind boggling and overwhelming. September 11, 2001, will go down in history as the most significant terrorist attack mankind has ever seen. Two hijacked airplanes crash into the twin towers of the World Trade Center and topple them to the ground. More than 6,000 people are killed. Sixty-seven of them are from my firm, Keefe, Bruyette & Woods.

When I came back out of my office, Lillian and my trader J.J. were gone. My colleague Charlie had gone back to his office to gather a few things, so we left together. We took the elevator from 88 down to 78. When we got out on 78, there was a pretty big crowd. We eased our way to the middle of the floor and got on an elevator to go all the way down. I told Charlie we could go up to the Merrill conference at the Pierre Hotel and listen to company presentations. He agreed. When we arrived at the first floor, they wouldn’t let us out of the building. There was debris flying about. We walked calmly through the World Trade Center to an exit on the far side. We decided at that point not to go into the subways and bagged the idea of going to the conference. We saw a couple of our corporate finance colleagues in the crowd. They told us they had heard it was a plane that had struck. I remarked: “Well, I guess that’s better than a bomb.”

We got outside and walked across the street. We stood on the sidewalk and looked up. World Trade Center One was on fire high up. Many floors were burning. Police were shooing people away from the buildings. As we stood there, World Trade Center Two exploded. I said to Charlie: “There goes the plane theory.” I was wrong.

The crowds below screamed and started running. It became scary. It felt like mad crowd hysteria was erupting. We hastily headed down the street toward the other side of Manhattan. We looked back and couldn’t believe our eyes. Multiple floors were on fire in the upper half of Number Two, our building. Both buildings blazed. We were very afraid for our colleagues, and we sensed we were going to lose many close friends.

I tried using my cell phone to call home, but it wouldn’t work. Everyone was trying to use their cell phones at the same time. We got to the other side of Manhattan and decided to see if the ferry was running to Jersey City. Charlie lived there. We waited in line hoping for a boat ride, and it finally came. They let everyone on and didn’t even ask for tickets. We rode to Jersey City on a crowded boat and were happy to be off the island. The twin towers were ablaze, and smoke was everywhere. More people were talking about plane crashes. We hadn’t seen either plane, so we didn’t have a clue.

When we got to Jersey City, we went to Charlie’s apartment. Everyone else was scrambling to find public transportation. On the boat some cell phones worked, but mine didn’t. Charlie’s wife, Libby, was in the apartment when we arrived. She told us it was two planes that had hit the towers. We were in shock. The TV was on, and we could also see the towers from their balcony. They had a perfect view of lower Manhattan.

I tried calling Julie several times from their apartment but still couldn’t get a line. All the circuits were busy. As we were standing there looking out at the twin towers, World Trade Center Two collapsed into the ground. It disappeared! There was only one tower now. We couldn’t believe our eyes. We were sick. That was our building! It was so eerie and so scary. How many of our colleagues were still in there? I tried to call Julie again. “I’ve got to get ahold of her. She must be going insane!” I said. I still couldn’t get through. A little while later World Trade Center One collapsed. Now they were both gone.

I was panicked to get ahold of Julie. Charlie tried the number, and he got through! A neighbor had just walked into our home in HoHoKus, New Jersey, and the neighbor and Julie both started screaming in delight: “Michael is OK! Michael is OK!” After telling Julie I loved her, I asked her to call my mom right away. I knew she would be panicked.

The phone kept ringing from people calling to see if Charlie was OK, and we hung around for a couple of hours. Charlie and Libby decided to drive to their home in the Poconos and to drop me off in HoHoKus.When I got back to the train station where my car was parked, I saw my colleague Woody’s car still in front of mine. He was a trader at our firm, and we had commuted in together that morning. Train to Hoboken, ferry to World Financial Center, five minute walk and two elevator rides up to the 88^th and 89^th floors. I got off on 88, and he continued to 89. That was the last time I saw him.

On the way in we had talked about our kids and about high schools. We had talked about soccer, and we had talked about work.

Homecoming

When I got home from church, Julie and our 11-year-old son Christopher were standing in the entrance hall in the center of our house. Christopher started blubbering, and they both held me tight. Julie tells me we all had a good cry. Christopher didn’t want to let go and kept crying. He was my oldest, my first child, born in London, England, while I was stationed there for KBW.

Julie told me she had assumed I was gone. One of our friends had called to tell her the building had collapsed. She got down on her hands and knees and cried: “Please God, don’t leave me, don’t leave me!” I told her she had done some very good praying!

After I got through to her on the phone, Julie went to school to tell the kids that I was OK. When she got there, she overheard the counselors saying that a boy named Christopher seemed shaken up. Julie asked if that was Christopher O’Brien, and they said “yes.” She asked if they could tell him that his dad was OK and if she could talk to him. He decided he wanted to come home. Julie also found Megan, our 9-year-old, and asked her if she wanted to come home, but she decided to stay.

I went for a swim in our pond to relax and to try to do something normal. I swim every day in the summer after work and on weekends.

I picked up Megan from school and got lots of hugs from parents who said they were glad to see me.

The phone rang off the hook for the next week. Literally. We would hang up the phone, and it would ring again. I also received e-mails from all over the world.

I debated going to visit a couple of the families of missing colleagues. I wasn’t sure if it would be a good thing or a bad thing for them to see me, given that I had gotten out safely. I finally asked Christopher if he wanted to go visit his friend Richard, my colleague Woody’s son, and he instantly said “yes.” He was concerned. That gave me the courage I needed, so we went to Woody’s house together, which turned out to be the right thing to do. We stayed a couple of hours. There were a bunch of people from town there, and one friend was going to spend the night.

The days after

On Wednesday, after tossing and turning, I got up and went to my 6 a.m. men’s group at church. I got there a little late, and when I walked in, one of the guys came over, gave me a hug and said he was glad to see me. After a while I shared what had happened and got a lot of hugs and support after the meeting.

Later that morning my 4-year-old, Jonathan, showed me his Lego plane and the tower he had built. He said: “Daddy, this was the bad guy in the plane who hit the World Trade Center.” He asked me: “Daddy, why are some people evil?” I said: “That’s a good question, Jonathan.”

A couples group from church that Julie and I had formed in 1994 called a special meeting on Wednesday night. Julie and I shared our experience, and everyone else shared their thoughts and emotions about the whole event. It was very nice to have these support groups.

At home, the phone kept ringing off the hook. California, Boston, Colorado, South Dakota, Oregon, England. I picked up my kids from school on Wednesday and got 15 new phone messages in the half hour I was gone. A friend in Ireland called and told me that Ireland had declared Friday a day of mourning and no one was going to go to work that day. That brought tears to my eyes.

I decided to go into New York City on Thursday afternoon to visit KBW’s temporary quarters at the law offices of Wachtel, Lipton. I kind of felt guilty about being home while others were at work, given that I was on the board of directors of our company. I was also nervous. The toughest thing was going up the elevator to the 33^rd floor of Wachtel, Lipton’s offices. Being up high in a skyscraper was very uncomfortable. I had been in the World Trade Center in 1993 when the bomb had hit, and I had been stuck on the 85th floor for about five hours until the firefighters had cleared the smoke from the stairwells and led us down. I had realized then how vulnerable being up high in one of these buildings really was. Now those uncomfortable feelings were back in spades.

Colleagues greeted each other with hugs and tried to help in any way they could. We had a meeting and asked for volunteers to go to Hartford, Connecticut, the next day as our Hartford office was serving as the command center for the families of the missing.

Later I got a call from Julie. She had heard that there were bomb threats in the city. It turned out that there were at least 90 bomb threats that day. We also heard that they had shut down Manhattan below 40^th Street. Julie’s message was: “Come home now!” I wasn’t sure public transportation was going to work, so I called a lawyer friend of mine who drives to the city every day and asked him when he was planning to go home. “Any time you want,” he said. “How about in 20 minutes?” I asked. So we drove home together and escaped whatever was happening in the city.

On Friday I got up early to drive to Hartford. The weather was horrendous. It was pouring, and the traffic on the Tappan Zee Bridge was just horrible. On the way I decided to stop at the house of Adam, one of my friends and colleagues, in Fairfield, Connecticut, to see how his wife, Patty, was doing. They had four kids ages eight and under. Patty’s father met me at the door and counseled me to be low-key. I had a nice talk with Patty and helped her sort through a few financial records she didn’t understand. She was very appreciative of my visit.

Driving north to Hartford from there, I realized how many different needs these families would have, and Iconceived of the idea to match a KBW person with each family to serve as a resource, a go-to person to help answer any questions that might arise, an adviser, a comforter, a general supporter and a communicator of KBW information that would be helpful to the families.

When I got to Hartford, a call came in from Scotland. It was the mom of my colleague, Derek. I had hired Derek from Scotland to help me cover overseas accounts several years earlier. I had met his mom and dad a few times, so I asked to speak with her when she was done with her questions. She was still full of hope that Derek would be found, and I wasn’t going to persuade her any differently.

As I was standing in the Hartford office, one of our sales traders from New York arrived. Our entire trading desk had been wiped out, so I couldn’t believe my eyes. I said: “Katie, you’re alive!” and gave her a big hug. She had woken up late on Tuesday morning and hadn’t made it to work before the plane hit. I was so happy to see her!

That night I went to my sister’s house in South Windsor and had dinner with her and two of my brothers and their families. It was a very emotional welcome. Soon after I arrived, everyone went out on the driveway and lit candles. President Bush had asked the whole country to light candles at the same time. After dinner I drove the two and a half hours home even though my sister tried to convince me to stay. I felt I should be home with my family.

Healing

Kimmy, the wife of our head trader, Frank, who was missing, organized a prayer service at her home in Englewood, N.J., on Saturday afternoon. There were well over 100 people, including kids. One of Kimmy’s friends led a scripture reading, story and song service in the back yard while the kids played on the swing set. It was really beautiful. At one point one woman started singing: “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands,” and everyone joined in. After the first verse, she sang: “He’s got Frank and Kimmy in his hands.” And we proceeded to sing a verse for everyone we knew who was missing. It took about a half hour, and it felt so good to name everyone. The whole group took turns yelling out different names. It was incredibly powerful and beautiful, and tears flowed.

On Sunday morning, we went to our own church and, again, people’s hugs of relief and joy in seeing me alive were very gratifying. It was a mixed blessing, knowing how many of my colleagues were missing. In Bergen County, New Jersey, where I live, there were six KBW employees. I was the only one who made it out of the building.

That afternoon Julie and I went into New York City for a prayer service that KBW had arranged. With traffic and parking we got there just as the service was starting. There were so many people, we had to go up to a big U-shaped balcony. There were easily more than 2,500 people there! Afterwards, we had a five-hour reception at a neighboring hotel, and it was like an alumni event. People brought their babies and spouses, and everyone was hugging and crying and laughing, many seeing people they hadn’t seen in years. It was truly a remarkable gathering and a source of comfort and support for the families.

On the way to the reception, I ran into Paula Berry, the wife of my colleague David Berry. David and I had started at KBW within months of each other, so we kind of grew up together. Paula had a million questions. She was trying to envision what took place on that tragic day. She also asked about the state of the company and KBW’s plans going forward. I explained that we were setting up the Shepherd Program. She looked at me with a big smile on her face and said: “Will you be my shepherd?” She said David very much enjoyed working with me and viewed me as a trusted friend and colleague. I was deeply honored by her comments, and I felt the same way about David. And I’ve really enjoyed the role of shepherd for Paula and her family. It’s something I hope to continue for years to come.

Rebuilding at work

On Monday, September 17, the stock market reopened after being closed since the attacks. I wished it could have stayed closed for another week, but I understood the motivation to open it. I went to our prime broker’s office in midtown and operated out of a conference room for the next few days. I was managing other people’s money as well as some of our firm’s money, so I felt compelled to work. That afternoon the Shepherd Program was introduced to the firm, along with other items, on a company-wide conference call. A few days later my group and I moved into office space that the brokerage group had been loaned. It felt good to be around colleagues. There continued to be lots of hugging amidst the challenge to rebuild the firm.

The firm has received an incredible outpouring of support. KBW alumni who had retired or moved on have come back to help out. Former clients and competitors have joined to help rebuild. I got an e-mail from a former client who said that he would be willing to do anything for the firm and that he could bring a team with him without any compensation. He’s now our new director of research. Clients and competitors have sent us commission revenues, put us in underwritings and raised money for our family fund. We decided that all our commission business on October 29 and 30 would go to the KBW Family Fund, and we got out the word. We traded about 75 million shares those two days. A normal day for us is probably three million to four million shares. We’re still paying families their spouses’ salaries and health benefits, and our hope is to give them bonuses at the end of the year. I feel very good about what KBW is doing for the families. KBW truly is a family. That’s what originally attracted me to the firm: it was run more like a family than a corporation. I could tell that from the instant I interviewed with firm co-founder Gene Bruyette in 1985. That culture fortunately has perpetuated itself to this day.

Memorial Services

The memorial services started on Saturday, September 22, when two of my colleagues’ families held services at the same church at 11 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. In the next few weeks, it got even tougher because I had to choose between going to one colleague’s service and missing another one. Logistically it was impossible to go to all the services I would liked to have attended. I lay awake at night trying to decide which service to go to.

Memorial services continued into late November, including a service in London. They all were beautiful. On the one hand, I felt each one ripped out part of my heart as I saw the families left behind and how loved and special my colleagues really were. On the other hand, I felt like I was receiving a gift. The love and wisdom and lessons about life coming out of these services were very uplifting and challenging. In fact, after attending one of the services, I came up with an idea to put together a book of all the eulogies from all the services of KBW employees and include a picture of each family. We are going to give a copy to each family and to any employee who wants one. It will be a book of remembrance and wisdom and love.

Many sad images of grieving families came out of these memorial services: A mother and four children ages one to eight huddled together walking up the aisle of the Westport Playhouse. A mother and five children ages one to 11 walking up the aisle at church behind a bagpiper and priests. A pregnant woman with a 15-month-old son at her husband’s memorial service. A woman who was married a year ago and whose baby was born two weeks after her husband died — on his birthday.

The other message I have gained is that we are all unique human beings and we need to celebrate that uniqueness. We need to take the time to really know and value people while they are here. I learned so much I never knew about my colleagues while they were alive. Why wait until a funeral to celebrate someone’s life? Why not celebrate now? Why not show our love now? Don’t wait. Make the time. What can be more important than relationships with people we care about?

Family

My family has been incredibly supportive, especially Julie. She’s really taken charge in the home, marshalling our four children and giving me a little breathing room to deal with all of this. We tend to hug more and say “I love you” more. We try to take a little extra time each day to check in with each other and to share something about our day. We try not to take things for granted anymore.

I had to give up being head coach for Megan’s soccer team when this happened. I feel bad because I know my being there is so good for Megan. I still assist when I can, but I’ve had to miss a lot of the games because of memorial services. I know I’m doing the right thing, but I feel for her.

Finally, I know my family has been very blessed — four healthy, beautiful kids: Christopher, Megan, Jonathan and Teddy, ages 11 to two. I feel very thankful for them and for Julie. I also feel thankful that I am alive. My hope is that I will treasure each day and each person in my life and that I will make a difference in this world. We clearly are not here forever. Now is our time to celebrate life, celebrate each other. God has given us the gifts. Now it’s up to us.

Dear Lord,
Our hearts are aching,
Our emotions are in turmoil,
Our outlook on life has become uncertain,
We’re scared Lord.

Please deepen our faith,
Make more fervent our love,
Give us a greater appreciation for our life,
And for all the gifts you’ve given to us,
Help us to celebrate life each day.

Help us to be more open with each other,
More honest with ourselves,
And more committed to doing your will.

Help us to minister to our own needs,
And to those of our family and friends,
And to listen with open hearts.

We know Lord, that the power of one person’s love,
And also the power of a community of loving people,
Can overcome evil.

Help us to stamp out evil in this world Lord,
Help us to win with kindness,
Help us to win with love,
Help us to win with a commitment to always do the right thing,
Help us to look out for each other.

Bless our loved ones,
Show us the way,
Help us to be love for one another.

Michael O’Brien 
9/16/01

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