David “Ben ‘D-Caff’ Stein” Caffrey

Class of 2003 (or 2011, it’s unclear)

Major: Economics

Hometown: Wilton, MA

Favorite Crayon: flesh (available 1949-1962)

Ben Stein is an alum from the class of 2003 and is currently pursuing a degree in economics so that he can someday be rich enough to have a TV show in which he gives away his own money. Ben is also a heavy coffee drinker and although he insists that caffeine makes him jittery and puts him in the foulest of moods, we suspect that in reality it makes his heart soar with joy. Ben also has a long history of wrestling large cats for the amusement of others in third world countries. We are unsure of what brought him to the United States, but think it may be because he wanted to go to college and join an a cappella group.